growing

the wonderful and awful thing about serving god is that you really never know what is going to happen. yes, you may have ideas about what you think god is doing or where he is leading, but ultimately it is up to him. i was reminded of this today in proverbs 19:21 "many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

i thought about blogging yesterday, in retrospect i'm really glad i didn't. i was a crabby pants. the reality that i expected to come came. i was mad. i didn't like how uncomfortable it was. serving god may be good and there is definitely beauty in it, but no one said it wouldn't hurt. i am reminded of the time when god pretty much audibly told me that 'i didn't call you to easy'.... yuck. it's awesome that god chose to use someone as silly as me, but sometimes it is way more painful than i want. i didn't want to pray. i didn't want to read my bible. i sat like a lump on the couch, trying with all my might to drown out my thoughts with mindless television. i finally fought it out with god, and thankfully he didn't kill me in the process :) needless to say, we are on much better terms today!! haha

god is surely doing things though and the devil is fighting hard. there are times when i question it all. there are times that i want to back out. i know it is the lord though. it is undeniable. he is taking this bigger and crazier than i expected though. a few weeks ago i began to get this sense that perhaps i was selling short committing to only a few months. perhaps i was called to more. god came through with enough support for 6mo instead of the 3-4 that i was shooting for. my mind has been reeling with questions and scenarios. i have a week to extend my watoto stay.... i like security. this is so not secure in so many ways. the crazier thing is that i feel that perhaps watoto is not where i am to spend my whole 6 month stint.... if not there though, then where god?? i know it will fall into place. i am so thankful that i can fall into the hands of a capable, father god. it is a wild ride though!!!

brace yourself for a crazy sarah-god journey!!! :)