unexpected

so i'm not going to cali.... it's all about being flexible and open. yay for yet another change of plans... a God-change. a good change. but still a change.

i don't know how long i am to be in RM... in some ways it's very unnerving... but i know that God will open doors in his timing; he already is. it's scary. crazy. exciting. it's driving me to my knees and causing me to press into the heart of God. there is promise on the horizon and i know it's from the Lord. i have released the bondages of my past and am free. there is still some heart ache at times, but the healing will come.

since i'm not catholic, the lent thing isn't a huge deal per se, but i would like to be intentional these next 40 days. i need God so much. soooooooooo much. i want to see him move mountains. i want to see him grant direction and shape my heart. i want to be open. wide open. to trust him. to listen. to be vulnerable.

God in the US is different. my schedule is 200,000% more chaotic. my focus is so easily distracted here. i'm caught up with challenging patients, or work stress, or life, or not having as many hours in a day as i want. god still needs to be #1 through it all. i need to find my way to be intentional and deep here. I have ached for africa more in this past week than i have in a while. my heart is still lodged in the center of it, but i am here for now and i want to be alive wherever he has me. so i will push, press, dig, and fight my way to the throne so i can be near my jesus. he is it.